


Not Enough

by TypicalNerd98



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Johnny's real name is Robert and it's fucking funny to me, Love Confessions, More tags to be added, Near Death, Nomad V (Cyberpunk 2077), Originally Posted on Tumblr, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Temporary Amnesia, Unrequited Love, but still its worth reading i think, for some time, johnny is a dick, like fucking a lot of angst, so don't expect the chapters to be long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TypicalNerd98/pseuds/TypicalNerd98
Summary: After the whole shit show in mikoshi, V got out with her body and mind. But also an engram of the one and only Johnny fucking Silverhand and some good information. After months of planning she finally did what she promised to do.
Relationships: Female V & Jackie Welles, Female V & Viktor Vector, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Judy Alvarez & Female V, Kerry Eurodyne & Female V, Kerry Eurodyne & Johnny Silverhand, Panam Palmer & Female V, Rogue Amendiares & Female V, Rogue Amendiares & Johnny Silverhand
Comments: 7
Kudos: 97





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> okay so. I will be describing V as how my V looks like. but I will try to keep it to a minimum and you can just switch things up in your head as you read <3

**———— <•>————**

Music was blasting just few rooms away and V could even feel the floor vibrating a bit. But it didn’t matter to her, as she held a warm hand in hers.

V looked up and smiled at the face of the man who only months ago was a parasite in her brain. A parasite turned friend. And later...

Her mind continued to replay their last conversation over and over again, during all this time without him.

_“You will have to leave now, if you want to go back to your body” said Alt. Or rather what was left of her._

_“But what about Johnny?! Can you get him back on the chip?” V asked, feeling desperate to know._

_“V no. You leave this shit hole and live your fucking life. Don’t you even dare to try to put me into some fuckers head” Johnny said, arms crossed as he for a millionth time tried to tell V to just go on. But of course. When did the young nomad ever listen to him._

_“Shut up Johnny! I was talking to Alt!” she yelled not even glancing at him as her eyes stayed trained on the woman._

_“I can do it. During your useless banter I got inside Arasaka’s network. It seems they still have the body of Robert Johnathan Linden”_

_V was confused for a second why the guy mattered, when suddenly she got a flash of an very old memory from Johnny. Along with some embarrassment and anger._

_Before she could question him, he pointed his finger at her saying “Don’t you even dare. Not a word, got it?”_

_She smirked but turned back to Alt “Okay where is it?”_

_“Outside the city. Nomad’s territory. It’s an old, private lab” Alt said._

_“Okay I’ll find it”_

_“V—“_

_She turned towards Johnny saying “Not a fucking word got it? You promised to save my life and I said that I would take a bullet for you. This is the bullet Johnny”_

_He simply stared at her, before nodding “Alright, you fucking stubborn nomad. Just don’t kill yourself in the process, or we’ll be having words here. Got it?”_

_“Yeah, yeah I know. Now Alt, do I simply put the chip in his body?”_

_“Yes. But I have to warn you. During his time on your head, the chip got damaged. I fixed what I could but there are still some cracks”_

_“The fuck does that mean?” Johnny asked._

_“Nothing too important. Slight memory loss or complete memory whipe of the time inside V”_

_“What...?” V asked, her heart dropping quite a bit. She wanted him to remember her. Remember them._

_“Shit... okay I can live with that” Johnny said and walked over to V._

_“But—“_

_“Shut up for a hot minute, kid. Now. I want to remember this time with you as well, no matter how boring it really was in the beginning. But if I won’t, then you’ll just have to tell me. And charm my pants off, again”_

_She laughed “Did I really charm your pants off? I don’t recall seeing you without them”_

_Johnny didn’t laugh, instead he leaned in and kissed her. It felt weird as they were technically data, but still it was perfect to them._

_When he finally pulled away he just whispered “You sure did, sweetheart...”_

_“Johnny... I—“_

_“Shh... I know. Tell me up there in the world”_

_V nodded and said “I’ll help you remember. I promise, Johnny”_

_He smirked and touched her hand with his “I know, you stubborn nomad. Just know that... I’m sorry for how I might be when I wake up. Don’t be afraid to slap me if I really go overboard okay?”_

_“I handled a dick version of you who was trying to kill me once. I think that I’ll manage”_

_He laughed and nodded “You sure did... just V... I don’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t want to be in a room full of my friends who can’t stand me. I don’t want to be in a room with you and see you hate me...”_

_“I’ll never hate you Johnny. I’ll be there for you at all times no matter how much of a dick you’ll be okay?”_

_“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I trust you, sweetheart”_

_“Your time is up. You need to leave, take the chip with you” said Alt and before V could react she was back in her body._

V was staring at his hand again, her thumb drawing circles on it just as the door opened.

“Alright. That’s enough kid, you’re going out”

With a deep sigh V turned to see both Rogue and Kerry standing in the door.

“No. I’m waiting for him to wake up”

Kerry took a few steps towards the merc and put his hand on her shoulder “Rogue is right, V. You need to get out a bit, you’ve been here for two weeks”

She was silent as her grip over Johnny’s hand tightened.

“Please, honey. Let’s go for a walk at least. Or a ride to get something to eat” Kerry tried again, the worry on his face clearly visible.

“You won’t help Johnny if he wakes up to you looking like a corpse, at his bedside. So get your shit together, V” Rogue said. Even through her words here cutting, there was clear worry in her eyes.

V finally nodded and put Johnny’s hand back on the bed, as she stood up. Well tried to stand up. Because as soon as she moved, her head spun and Kerry had to catch her, before she smashed her head.

“Are you alright?” Kerry asked in pure worry as the nomad’s violet eyes almost rolled into her head.

“No she’s not. Come on, you we need to get her something to eat. I’m driving” Rouge said as she walked out the door, with Kerry picking up V and following her.

After that incident, both Kerry and Rogue were taking V out to eat and sleep out side the room in Afterlife where Johnny was.

Kerry basically moved V into his villa, along with her’s and Johnny’s cat. And Rogue was constantly getting V to sit beside her for at least few hours at Afterlife, as she was dealing with some mercs. Just to get her out of that room.

Judy and Panam also were constantly calling and messaging V, after Kerry and Rogue contacted them and told them what’s going on with the merc.

Panam came to sit around with V in the Afterlife. The bad blood between her and Rogue was quickly forgotten after the older woman saw how Panam was caring for the other nomad.

Judy preferred to visit V at Kerry’s villa whenever he was leaving. She didn’t even let the merc go to the bathroom alone, instead staying out side the door and getting V to keep the conversation going through the door.

One evening V and Kerry were sitting on one of his couches, with him playing and humming the same relaxing song that he did on the yacht.

“Hey, Kerry?” V asked as she stared at the way his fingers moved on the guitar.

“Yes, honey?” he asked immediately his eyes were on her.

She looked up and asked “Can you... uh... teach me how to play? I was thinking that maybe... Johnny would enjoy some music aside from the muffled banging at the Afterlife”

He smiled and his eyes got brighter as he nodded and moved closer to the young woman, saying “Of course! Okay so for now you’ll watch, then we’ll get you to try”

A week later, the nomad was already playing the one song that she learned on the guitar that she got from Kerry. She was even humming along as she sat in Johnny’s room, her long black nails now short and her fingers covered by bandaids from how hard she was learning.

She grinned and said to him, while playing “I know that I’m shitty. But you told me that it was all about the feeling or whatever”

V looked down at the guitar and started playing once again, when suddenly she saw Johnny’s fingers twitch. She immediately stopped and put the guitar aside, rushing to his side and taking his organic hand in hers.

“Johnny? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand”

There was nothing for a while, but then she saw him frown a bit.

Immediately she called Victor and told him to come, the same thing with Rogue and Kerry. She stayed by Johnny’s side, telling him to squeeze her hand and that he’s safe, that his friends will be there soon. That she’s with him.

Rogue was the first one to arrive, as she was already in Afterlife. She walked over to V asking.

“Did anything happen?”

“His fingers are twitching every now and then, he’s also frowning whenever I tell him to squeeze my hand” V explained as she moved to caress Johnny’s hair, that she kept trimmed the same way it was when he was in her head. Same goes for the beard.

As her hand moved to to tuck a stray hair behind his ear, he let out a sigh and stopped frowning, his whole body relaxing.

“Well damn... it’s like he’s responding to your touch, kid” Rogue said, while sitting on the couch in the room observing the still unconscious man.

V’s eyes went wide as Rouge smirked, the nomad looked back to the rocker boy and whispered “I’m here Johnny, just come back to me. I still need to kick your ass for making me wait so goddamn long, and for that time when you smashed my head against the window. And no. Just because you were nice later, doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook old man”

Victor arrived soon with Kerry following. As the ripperdoc worked, the others waited. V and Kerry were both pacing, being the “impatient assholes” as Rogue called them. But the Queen of the Afterlife was also getting a bit impatient, which caused her to lit up a cigarette.

“The fuck is this...?”

Everyone in the room stopped and looked at the blinking and confused rocker-boy in the room. He raised a bit to take in his surroundings.

“Johnny...” V said and came forward with Kerry following.

For a moment Johnny stared at V in silence, then he looked down at him organic hand and back at her saying.

“I know you... you’re V”

Just as V was ready to let out a breath of relief, Johnny added.

“You’re the chick who was here with me the whole time. The one who played that shitty music today... or was it yesterday? I don’t fucking know... so what you’re a fan or some shit? Or did we fuck once?”

Everyone went still in the room, even Kerry stopped smiling as he looked at V with worry. The merc’s face was neutral as she just turned towards Kerry saying to Johnny.

“How about Kerry and Rogue ease you into most of it. I need to go out for a bit” with that she stepped away and glanced at Victor “Check him and the chip, once more okay? Call me if anything will be wrong, or need to buy anything”

V then smiled shakily at the confused Johnny and left the room, ignoring Rogue and Kerry who moved to follow or stop her.

Around two hours passed with V drinking in the bar with Claire keeping her company. She didn’t call Panam or Judy cause she knew that they would freak out and act as if V couldn’t handle shit.

Of course it fucking hurt to see Johnny like that. And to just not recognise her. Of course it’s not like she didn’t know that it would happen, but that stupid ass brain of hers was hoping that Alt was wrong.

“Maybe I’ll get you some water?” Claire asked, the angel she was.

V looked up and said “Another Jackie Wells”

Claire smiled tightly and made the drink, sliding it towards V.

Looking down at the glass V smiled bitterly. The only way she could be around her best friend was to drink his stupid drink, that he made her so many times and the way he fucking knew that she didn’t like it.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see Victor standing beside her stool.

“Is he alright? His arm working? I have another model ordered for him, but—“

“He’s fine physically. His arm will need replacing but for now it should be fine” Victor said, while sitting beside her on a stool.

“And how is he handling being in the future?” V asked, her mind clearing immediately from all the alcohol.

Victor sighed “Not well... but it seems like Rogue and Kerry know how to talk to him. But I want to know how are you? We know that there’s a small chance that he would remember but still. How are you holding kid?”

V laughed bitterly saying “You’re all acting as if he was my husband and not ex parasite turned friend...”

“V...”

“What do you want me to say Victor? Yeah it’s shitty, but I’m still gonna help him out and he beside him. I don’t care what he has to say about that. But I’m fucking staying!” she said and finished her drink, standing up “I promised him that I wouldn’t leave him. I promised him that I wouldn’t hate him...”

With that she patted Victor on the back and walked back to the back room where Johnny was. She walked in and everyone was looking at her immediately.

“Honey—“

“Kid—“

Both Kerry and Rogue started, but V spoke over them.

“How the star of the show?”

Johnny snorted and looked at her in interest “My fucking head hurts and I’m staring at the chick who was my incubator for weeks”

“Johnny” Kerry scolded, not being pleased with the choice of words.

“Basically. Here, have one” V said as she handed Johnny a cigarette. He looked up at her with a frown, as she shrugged “Near the end, when were connected my head hurt without a cigarette. You told me that it’s because of the lack of nicotine, that you had the same thing”

Johnny took the cigarette and lit it up, sighing in relief “Fuck... maybe there is some truth to what these two are saying”

“We told the truth, Johnny. Now it’s up to you to live up to where you were inside her head” Rogue said.

Johnny snorted and glanced at V saying “Please. Some nomad kid couldn’t change me that much. I was probably playing nice so that she wouldn’t off me”

“Fuck, Johnny” Kerry sighed.

“What Kerry? That’s what I would do!”

V sighed and counted to 10 inside her head, already knowing that dealing with Johnny is going to be tough.

And she was right.

For weeks V was helping Johnny get accustomed to the year 2078. She got him a job, while he was living in the room back in the Afterlife. He refused to live with Kerry and V in the huge mansion, instead preferred to be close to the party. She got him a new arm and gave him his clothes, weapon and car back, while sticking around trying to get through to him.

Even after V told him everything. Johnny only claimed that it was bullshit and continued on being an asshole.

Of course the merc left out all about the kiss and the nights they spend cuddled in her apartment, after learning that they could touch.

Johnny went through many stages with V.

First he was aggressive and pushed her around, telling her to fuck off and find a life. She annoyed him with the way she would fight back but never left him alone. Never hated him.

Second was ignoring. He would treat her as if she wasn’t there and even fucked another girl with her not far away in the bar. Still she kept being around. Didn’t hate him.

Third was trying to annoying and trying to fuck her constantly. He would filirt and be a sarcastic dick at the same time. He would touch her and tell her all about his impressive dick. Once against she was still around, without any reaction to his actions. Not hating him.

The fourth and current stage was using her. He would call her in the middle of the night for her to came and get his drugged or drunk ass from some chicks apartment, street or bar. Every call. Every time. Every hour. She was there and got him home safely. Without hating him.

Until now.

It was 3AM and V was looking around the alleyway where Johnny said he was in. And there he was. With a girl keeling between his legs, smirking at her.

Even when V thought that her heart didn’t shatter anymore. It was broken beyond repair during all these times with Johnny. She felt it shatter once again as she flinched in pain. Still she simply turned and went to the car to wait for him.

Few minutes later he was in her car, grinning. Some time into the drive he said something that triggered her for the first time.

“Sorry sweetheart. You were getting late and she was so so lovely. Blonde all that, exactly my type”

V flinched as she stared down at her dark skinned hands, and the thick black hair that reached her breasts. The exact opposite of the blonde woman.

Also the word he called her for the first time since...

_I trust you, sweetheart..._

_Sweetheart._

She stopped the car near Afterlife, saying “Go. Afterlife is near maybe you’ll sober up a bit after a walk”

“Ahhh getting tired of me sweetheart?”

She doesn’t know how she even did it, but in a second she turned and slapped him harshly. Screaming at him for the first time since he came back.

“Fuck you Johnny! I know what you’re doing! You’re pissed that I don’t hate you like your friends did back in the day! How I’m not leaving like Alt did, when you got too difficult to fix up! Do you know how I fucking know?! Because you were inside my mind. I saw all that pain and loneliness you felt! I know it! You even told me about it although you knew that I knew!”

“You don’t know shit!” he yelled, only to get slapped again.

“Quite the opposite, Johnny! I know all of your shit! And I’m not leaving! Or hating you!”

“Why?! Why?! Why won’t you leave?!”

“Because I love you!” she screamed tears escaping her violet eyes “And you just keep on hurting me... I throught that I can handle it... but maybe I was wrong...” she added quietly, looking away from him.

Then she raised her hand and took off his glasses, to look into his dark eyes as she whispered “I’m sorry Johnny... I tried so hard... I’m sorry that I failed you... sorry that I wasn’t enough... I hope that maybe you will remember some day and stop being what you’re now... I love you, always”

Johnny was so stunned by what happened that he didn’t react to V kissing him gently behind the ear, where the chip was and whispering.

“I’m so sorry, my love...”

Then she pulled away and got out of the car, walking away with stunned Johnny still inside her car.

**———— <•>————**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> english is not my first language so sorry for any errors


	2. part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as before I will be describing my V.

** ————<•>———— **

V was pointlessly walking through the city, staring at her feet. It wasn’t raining like in the old movies she and Johnny watched in the old cinema after Rouge left. No. It was loud, smelly, bright and full of people.

She ended up in the park where she first met Zen master and sat down on a bench. V stared at her still shaking hands and wished that suddenly she would feel a small pinch in her brain and Johnny would appear out of nowhere.

He would appear just to talk shit about people passing by, hoping to make her laugh or annoy her enough so that she would take her mind off of whatever was bothering her.

But he wasn’t there. Her Johnny was probably gone... what’s left is in her brain. While the other Johnny didn’t seem to even want to look at her... maybe he truly just didn’t like her. And she was trying to do the impossible.

Suddenly she got a call. Third time this night. From the same person.

She picked up and said “Hey, Kerry...”

Kerry’s tired and panicked face appeared and he seemed to be driving “V!! Oh thank what ever is watching over us! Fuck honey! I was so worried, where are you? Where did you go at night? Was it Johnny again? I swear I’ll kick his young ass for what he’s doing to you!”

V choked on a sobb. Somehow hearing Kerry’s voice and the worry for her of all people in his voice... cause her to break and just whimper.

“Kerry...”

He stopped talking and looked into his phone, asking gently “Honey, where are you? I’ll come get you”

After explaining where she was, Kerry had her keep the call going. He wanted to know if she was safe.

Not even ten minutes passed, as Kerry found her. He immediately hugged the young woman to his chest and caressed her black thick hair.

“Shhh... I’m here honey. Come on, let’s go home”

Kerry led V to his expensive car and soon he was driving the now silent woman to his mansion. He was growing worried as she entered the residence without a word, took her naked cat and went inside her room.

V took off her clothes, putting on an old SAMURAI shirt and a pair of sport shorts. She got under the covers with Nibbles, she kissed the cat’s head as he snuggled into her shirt, seeking warmth.

She must’ve fell asleep because what woke her up was yelling coming from somewhere in the villa. V got up and took her gun, intending to blast whoever was a threat. What she didn’t expect is to see Rogue on the couch across from Kerry who was smoking.

V didn’t make herself known yet as she listened to the pair.

“—told him to fuck off and look for a new place. I don’t care that he doesn’t have a place to stay at. He was fucking with V too much. I tried looking the other way, but I fucking can’t. He’s worse than ever” Rogue said putting her phone in her pocket.

“Back in our day... he was an asshole. Sure. But now? What he’s doing isn’t even like him...” Kerry said, with a heavy sigh.

“I’m not surprised that V finally had enough. Poor kid... we should’ve intervened”

“No” V said, walking out from behind a pillar “It’s between him and me. He didn’t do anything to you, if anything he is nice to you. He doesn’t deserve this from you...”

“Kid, did you hit your head? He’s a complete psycho—“ Rogue started.

“To me, not to you. I don’t want you to take it out on him. He needs you both” V stated, looking away “He doesn’t need me anymore but you two are important to him... I’ll be fine. I’ll leave him alone, if he’ll need anything he’ll come... like he did for the last month...”

Kerry stood up and wrapped his arm around V saying “No, no. No more helping him out from you. You tried to be there for him and he’s worse than ever. So from now on, leave him be. Deny any request and just let him figure it out. Just like he did inside your brain”

“He’s right. Fuck Johnny. Let him find his way to you” Rogue said, while crossing her arms.

V looked between them and finally nodded “Okay... maybe you’re right. He needs to process everything on his own”

“Yup. Of course we’ll be there for him, but your door is closed honey. If he’ll want in, then the fuck will have to find a window to enter through” Kerry said, trying to cheer up the younger woman.

She smiled a bit but soon looked away. One question on her mind, ever since she left Johnny.

And of course nothing goes unnoticed with the Queen of Afterlife in the room.

“What is it kid? There’s something more bothering you” she stated.

Kerry immediately sat V down next to him on the couch saying “Come on, V. You can tell us anything”

V stared at her hands and finally asked “Do you think that... if Johnny and I met normally and not through the chip... would he still... would he and I—“

“Well kid, he would be old like us. But knowing Johnny, he would have his eyes on you the first time you stepped inside Afterlife with that friend of yours” Rogue said with a small smile, thinking about the situation.

“And if he didn’t see you there, then probably after finding out that you were the one stealing from Arasaka? And rumoured that you were somehow involved with the death of Saburo? V, he would have wedding rings ordered” Kerry said with a laugh, as Rogue snorted.

“The man would be stumbling over his feet for you if things were normal, kid”

V laughed along with them, her heart somehow feeling lighter the longer she spent time with Rogue and Kerry. To her they were like a clan. Like a family.

As weeks went by, V returned to her work but was also in charge of the security at Afterlife. Which meant a lot of fucking paper work, dealing with idiots and sitting with Rogue. Keeping an eye out for anyone who would want to kill the woman.

Johnny tried calling V couple of times during the first few weeks. She didn’t answer any of his calls, although her heart was heavy with worry. Because what if he really needed help? What if someone stabbed him and he was bleeding out in some alleyway?

This paranoia caused V to call Rogue or wake up Kerry so that they could call the man and find out what’s going on.

Each time they either got a question.

“Where’s V?”

Or if he was drunk enough they got a statement.

“I need V”

But every time his friends would refuse him anything related to the young nomad.

Whenever V saw Johnny at Afterlife she simply left the room or just kept her distance. Giving him space.

Although it felt like he didn’t want space. Because whenever she stayed in the room, his dark eyes would be on her the whole time.

One time a guy came over to V and tried to seduce her, drunkenly. The guy was getting a bit too touchy and she was just about to get the fucker out of the Afterlife. But before she could even push him away, the guy got yanked back buy his shoulder so hard, that V was sure it was dislocated.

“Fucking dog. Out. Now”

She looked up in confusion just to see Johnny dragging the guy outside of the Afterlife. V wanted to go after him, but decided to stay and instead ordered Jackie’s disgusting drink and went to sit with Rogue.

The Queen of the Afterlife smiled at V as she sat down next to her. Around an hour later, Johnny came up to Rogue asking for some intel.

V tried to look away from him, but the seemingly fresh blood on his metal arm and on his neck, caught her attention. She stared at it in slight shock and looked up just to see Johnny staring at her. He didn’t say anything. But his eyes screamed. Without a word to V, he thanked Rogue and left.

Next morning they found a body in an alleyway near the Afterlife.

One evening V was at Afterlife for a different reason, than normally.

She was sitting at the bar talking to Claire when she heard someone call her name. With a smile she turned to see Judy and Panam walking inside.

“Hey, there V. Finally found the time for us huh?” Judy said as she sat down at the bar, the other girl following.

“Yeah I was waiting for a fucking call, you asshole. The fuck were you doing?” Panam said, already ordering a beer.

V’s heart felt lighter as she was around her girls and immediately she regretted not calling them sooner.

“Sorry, I was busy and things were complicated for a bit. But hey, I’m back on board” she said while raising her glass.

“Fine, you’re off the hook for tonight” Judy said, while Panam mumbled something under her breath. Unwilling agreeing.

“Thanks, really I want us to meet up more. I’m no longer dying so, how about we have fun?” V joked slightly.

“Sure, what’s on the menu? I’ve never been here for a drink before” Judy said.

Claire came up, hearing this and said “First time? Well people here, like V and her friend did, normally order Silverhand on their first visit”

Both Panam and Judy frowned at it, as V simply said “Fuck that, three Jackie Wells’s for us. Time to change the favourite drink”

Claire grinned and got to work.

“Is it any good?” Panam asked as soon as the three of them had the drinks in their hands.

V laughed and shook her head “It’s the worst drink Jackie ever made for me. Cheers”

While V downed her drink whole, Judy got couple of sips in before asking for something else. But Panam much like V, drank the whole thing. But she actually enjoyed it.

“You’re fucking weird Panam” V laughed as Panam once again ordered Jackie’s drink.

“A psychopath” Judy agreed with a smirk.

Panam flipped them off, saying “You don’t have taste, chooms. And V here is the true psychopath. She drinks it even though she doesn’t like it”

“Fuck off, Panam” V laughed and finished her drink, calling Claire over saying “Okay Claire, one Silverhand for me!”

“Coming right up!” the bartender called back.

“By the way how’s your parasite doing? Still neck deep in shit?” Judy asked, looking at V closely.

“Yeah, you kicked his ass right?” Panam added, already looking pissed.

V simply sighed and thanked Claire as she handed her the drink.

“It’s not that easy... let’s not talk about him tonight. I want to hang out with my chooms for a bit”

Both girls looked ready to push V but eventually nodded, changing the subject.

The rest of the night they spend drinking, dancing and laughing at some dumb shit. It made V, feel like she did with Jackie when she first came to the Nightcity.

It was getting bright by the time the girls left the Afterlife. They were giggling shits, as V was searching for a cig.

“I thought you weren’t smoking” Panam said as she watched V clumsily lit up a cigarette and passing it to Judy.

“I’m not... Judy and I are sharing” V said with a laugh.

Panam snorted and leaned against a wall, Judy following as V stood in front of the girls.

V was looking around, while smoking as if looking for something.

“V you okay?” Panam asked in confusion.

“Huh? Yeah just looking for Johnny... he usually comes out when I smoke”

Judy passed her the cigarette with a frown saying “V, he’s not in your head anymore”

V flinched and stared at the smoking cigarette in her hand “Oh... yeah... I guess, I forgot...” slowly she brought the cig to her lips, as Panam scoffed.

“Fucking Silverhand... why didn’t you just kick his ass when he came back as a amnesiac asshole?”

“Yeah V... he was treating you like shit. Why did you go through with it?” Judy asked.

V started shaking as tears gathered in her violet eyes, she sniffed saying “B-Because I promised him... back in Mikoshi. He was afraid of going back to who he was and of being alone... I promised him that I— that I would be there for him. That I wouldn’t hate him”

“Okay, but still. V that wasn’t healthy, the fucker shouldn’t ask for the impossible from you” Panam said.

“Panam is right. Besides your not his babysitter, it’s better that you’d leave—” Judy added, only to get cut off by V nearly yelling.

“I love him”

The girls watched in stunned silence as the young nomad, fell apart in front of them.

“I love him so much it fucking hurts. I love him so much that, I let him treat me like that because I knew that it was his defence mechanism. He was fucking testing if I really wouldn’t leave him... but I failed because I couldn’t handle it anymore... and I can only hope that he’ll find his way... even without me”

V was sobbing and she threw the cigarette on the ground and left, calling a cab to get her.

Not realising that what stunned her girls wasn’t her breaking down. But the man who stood behind her, looking at her in shock as he heard her every word.

Next morning, or rather afternoon was harsh for V. She woke up feeling like shit, her body screaming at her every move.

“Fuck...” she mumbled, while getting out of bed. V made her way through the large villa to the living room, where Kerry was keeping his painkillers. He was already there, playing his guitar.

“Oh look who has returned to the living! I thought that you died there, honey” Kerry said, enjoying the rough state the young woman was in.

“Shut up, Kerry... or I swear I’ll shove that guitar up your ass” V mumbled taking the painkillers.

Kerry laughed and shook his head, taking out his phone he said “I’ll order us some dinner, while you go and make yourself a drink”

V nodded and left the room, trying not to think about the bad hangover she had when Johnny took over.

In the evening she was back at Afterlife. Claire laughed as she saw the rough state the merc was in.

“Rough night?”

V glared slightly saying “Don’t you know it, you demon in disguise... why did you let me drink so much?”

“Well it’s my job, hun. But you really went overboard. When Rogue saw your bill? I thought that she would have a heart attack”

“Fuck... did she ask to see it? Anyway how much to I owe you?”

Claire laughed saying “Rogue payed for it all, so nothing. Also you need to go see her, she’s waiting”

V paled as she glanced at Rogue’s booth, the older woman was already watching her.

“Shit. Okay Claire, I need one shot of tequila before I talk to her”

Claire nodded while laughing, saying “Damn you’re acting like a kid who got caught stealing candy”

V drank the shot and said “I always feel like that with Rogue, so wish me luck”

“I hope you don’t get grounded and still come over to play” Claire joked as V flipped her off.

As V walked over to the Queen of Afterlife, she smiled sheepishly saying “Uhh... hey Rouge?”

The woman’s eyes were cutting as she said “Saw your tab, kid. You’re trying to off yourself? I’m surprised you even got up this morning”

“Oh come on, it was a girls night out. You know that I don’t party that often”

“That’s true, just go more slowly next time. Your body is still regenerating after the relic. Now, I’ve got a job for you” Rogue said.

Hours later V was bleeding out in Pacifica, behind a fucking crate inside some dirty warehouse. She killed everyone, including the target but what was it worth if she couldn’t move.

“Fuck...” she hissed, while calling Rogue.

The woman’s face appeared as she asked “V? Job done?”

V coughed up some blood “Yeah, but I’m kinda bleeding out... in the warehouse...”

Rogue looked scared but something else caught her gaze as she yelled out “Johnny! Fuck! V hang on, I think he’s coming for you. I need to give him a call and exact location, stay awake kid”

With that the call ended and V was left all alone. She focused on the pain, trying to stay awake. Tears were running down her cheeks as she was scared shitless. She died once and it wasn’t pretty. She didn’t want to go again.

As she held her hands on her bleeding stomach, she couldn’t help but think about Jackie.

Is this how he felt in his last moments? This is the pain he felt? Well fuck.

V was at the verge of falling asleep as a Porsche burst through the doors of the warehouse. The bang woke her up a bit, as her heart speed up a bit.

She heard the cardoor open, following by a yell.

“V?! It’s Johnny! Where are you?!”

She tried to scream but ended up coughing up some more blood. Thankfully it was enough for Johnny to hear her as he came running.

He fell on his knees in front of her and touched her hands, taking them away from her wound.

“H-How—“

“Shh.. don’t talk. You’ll be fine, you hear me? You’ll be okay, sweetheart” he said while patching her up a bit. His military training helping at times like this.

V was shaking, her eyes trying to roll back into her skull.

“Johnny... cold...”

“Fuck... hang on V. Eyes on me, okay? You’ll be fine” he said, his own hands trembling a bit as he desperately patched her up.

V could see black spots as the coldness was starting to surround her, she didn’t even feel Johnny’s hands working on her.

She barely raised her hand and touched his face, taking off his glasses clumsily. V smiled at his dark eyes, whispering.

“Th-Thank you...” with the last grip on consciousness she smirked “Lo-Love you... _Robert_ ”

Johnny’s face turned white and shocked, and V felt glad that for the last time she managed to make this asshole speechless and have the last word.

** ————<•>———— **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading this! I'm not good at writing angst and catching people's feelings, but with V and Johnny angst is a must hahahah
> 
> english is not my first language so sorry for any errors <3


	3. part three

** ————<•>———— **

Love.

What the fuck does it mean?

Was it the burning feeling in his chest since he woke up? Came back to life? What ever the fuck that was.

The fucking pinch he felt when that woman left him shortly after he woke up. He was so surprised by it that he even told that ripperdoc to check his heart. But there was nothing wrong.

And that fucking pinch turned into an painful ache that was around him all the time now. Only getting stronger after she left him in her own car.

Love.

He remembers his childhood. Sure he loved his parents even through they never got along and his father was a bastard. But when he was still a kid, he loved his parents. Yet still. It was different from the feelings he had for the woman.

Love.

Maybe it was the feeling he got when he played his guitar. He was sure of the fact that he loved playing it. So maybe that was it?

Love.

He never experienced love for another human. He always thought that Alt was it. The end game. But now... he’s starting to doubt that.

Love.

Johnny stared at the pale figure and her relatively small hand that he held. Her caramel skin looking ashy and so so wrong. Yet in a way he feels like he saw it look like that once. The dark circles under her closed eyes. Hiding the pools of violet that he considered writing a fucking song about. Her black her matted, lacking the shine it always had.

“The fuck does it mean...?” he whispered, while caressing her lovely face. Stopping shortly near her nose, just to feel her breathing.

The doors opened and that ripperdoc walked in. Looking both pissed and amused for some reason. That weird girl following him.

“You know. You scared the living hell out of my client. Again. I know she needed help, but you didn’t have to throw that guy off of the chair”

Johnny only shrugged “She needed more help than that fucking old man. He’s already at the verge of flatlining so why bother?”

Victor only shook his head with a sigh “It’s a blessing that you didn’t end up being a ripperdoc”

The rock man only snorted, his eyes returning to V.

“I called Kerry and Rogue. He will be here soon, while Rogue will come by a bit later. She’s looking into something” Misty said, taking place on the other side of V.

“Her friends. Judy and Panam. They would probably want to know too” Johnny said, not realising that he never really heard the girls name enough to remember them. Yet he did.

Misty nodded and kissed V’s head, before walking away to give the girls a call.

Some time later, the doors bursted open as Kerry ran inside. Getting to V in record time.

He touched her cheek and moved his fingers to her neck, trying to check the pulse.

“She’s alive, Ker. Just unconscious” Johnny said, although he wasn’t surprised that his friend’s mind jumped into that conclusion. V really looked dead.

His heart pinched him so much that he flinched at the thought.

Kerry let out a breath that he was probably holding all this time, as he took V’s other hand in his.

“What the hell happened?”

Johnny let out a deep breath, saying “I was at Afterlife, talking to Rogue about a job. When V called her. She said that the job was done but she was bleeding out... I... I have no idea how but the next thing I know is that I’m my car driving to Pacifica while Rogue calls me to tell me exactly where V is...”

“Fuck... I told her to stay at home. I told her to do the job tomorrow... but of course she didn’t listen” Kerry said, his hand shaking as he reached to tuck a piece of hair away from her face “A fucking stubborn nomad...” he said with a small smile.

Love.

“You love her, don’t you? Rogue too... this whole relationship you both have with her... it goes outside her having the chip. Doesn’t it?”

Kerry didn’t look at him as he said “You know Johnny. I never wanted a kid. I was always looking to party and just live my life. But then. She came around, even with you inside her head. And I immediately liked her, we even fucking blew up a van together. And a yacht.

Then there was that time when she came out of Mikoshi with your engram and location of your body. The first days were the hardest for her. She stayed here, cause she was scared to go back to her apartment after Arasaka. Wanted to stay for just a while, to make sure that the apartment was safe. She had nightmares that refused to let her sleep. During the day she would walk around and do some weird stuff, looking around her like she was crazy. Started smoking and also looking around.

It freaked me out a bit but I’m not the sanest person on the planet so I let her do her thing. And then one evening, it was like a dam broke down. She started crying and saying how empty it was without you. That for weeks she was searching for you. Hoping that you would appear and make fun of her or call her a cunt. But you weren’t there. She was all alone.

Everyday she was sitting with that chip in her hand on the roof. Talking to it. Or rather to you. Once even admitted that she wanted to put it inside her head. Just to have you back... months later she and Rogue got your body back and she was better a bit. But these first few days... I never felt so helpless Johnny. Never. So yeah... I love her, like my own daughter”

Johnny was speechless by the end. He knew that the merc was close to him when he was inside her chip. But this?

Love.

All this hurt she felt... was this how love is? The pain and misery? Fuck...

“I was such a dick to her..”

Kerry snorted “More than a dick, Johnny. She was miserable and let me tell you something. You’re my choom and I’m happy that you’re alive. But fuck with her again and I will kick your ass. Also Victor was a boxer. So watch out”

Johnny nodded, guilt in him rising “Never again... I don’t know what came over me. I was just so angry. I have this black hole in my head and whenever she was around. Which was fucking always. I was getting feelings and memories that I didn’t recognise... and my chest... it’s on fire Ker. I can’t stand it... and then she left and fuck. It was even worse...”

Kerry laughed and shook his head “That’s how love feels like, you fucking gonk”

Love.

_Love._

Somehow, it was like Johnny knew this all along. And the realisation was... freeing. It was like a huge weight got off his chest. And suddenly a memory got to him. Or more like shit ton of memories.

_“You’re such a dick Johnny...”_

_“And you’re a cunt. Maybe we really do fit together”_

_“Don’t make me fuck a pig, V”_

_“Why? You’re jealous?”_

_“No. We both know that my cock is way bigger than his”_

_“Bet you anything you’re gonna scream like a little girl”_

_“We’ll see who’s gonna scream, asshole. Besides a rollercoaster is all about that”_

_“What would you put there?”_

_“A guy who saved my life”_

_“Would you take a bullet for me?”_

_“Yes”_

_“Johnny... I—“_

_“Shh... I know. Tell me up there in the world”_

With a groan he opened his eyes just to see Kerry standing over him, slapping his face.

“Oh good, you’re waking up! The fuck was that Johnny?! One minute you’re fine and the other you’re on the floor!”

Johnny groaned and grabbed his head “Fuck... my head... Ker it’s-it’s the fucking relic... my memories—“

“Shit. Wait, I’ll call Victor” Kerry said and left to get the ripperdoc.

His head was pounding, memories and feelings coming at him with full force.

Every touch, every smile, every smell, every feeling all connected to one thing.

V.

V.

_V._

_Her ink black hair shining in the sun, her violet eyes rolling, caramel arms crossed, full lips trying not to smile, as he told her another inappropriate joke._

_“Shut up, Johnny... Panam will think that I’m crazy” she said in her head without any real heat._

_He smirked and glitched closer to her, to pinch her side “Don’t act like you don’t love it whenever I do that”_

_With a quick glance at Panam, V grinned and hit him with her hip “Dick”_

_“Cunt” he answered with a blinding smile, feeling their heart race._

_V shook her head at him and gave him a full smile._

_And looking at her, he swore that that’s how heaven must look like. After all. Maybe getting killed by Arasaka wasn’t so bad, if in the end he got to see something so beautiful..._

He got on his feet and stumbled over to V’s side. Carefully he touched her cheek and kissed her lips softly, whispering.

“I love you too, sweetheart...”

Then just a relic malfunction popped up, his eyes rolled back and he fell on the ground.

** ————<•>———— **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this! I hope that you liked Johnny's pov!


	4. part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next part will be the final one!!!!

** ————<•>———— **

Her surroundings were bright as she opened her eyes, immediately hissing in pain.

“V?”

She looked to her right where Panam and Judy were standing, their cheeks wet from tears.

“H-Hey—“ V said weakly, as Panam pounced on her. Hitting her shoulder yelling.

“Fucking ‘hey’?! The fuck were you thinking you gonk?!?!? You fucking reckless asshole! You fucking dick!”

Judy stood beside the hotheaded nomad, not making a move to stop her.

V hissed and said “Hey! Go easy on the patient will ya?!”

“Fuck you” said Panam but stopped hitting her, instead crossed her arms, looking away.

“Okay girls that’s enough. You can beat her reckless ass when she’s all healed up” said Kerry as he walked inside.

Panam nodded, clearly pleased with that. Judy too nodded and eyed V silently.

Yep. Definitely she will get her ass kicked.

Kerry took V’s hand in his with a relieved smile “I’m glad that you’re back with us. Although you’ll get some shit from Rogue and me, when you get better”

V rolled her eyes “She sent me to do the job—“

“Because she got intel that it was a small action. Not a whole warehouse of psychopaths, V. And you know that you call that in, before you go in guns blazing”

At this she looked away saying “I thought that I would handle them...”

“HANDLE OVER FIFTY PEOPLE?!!” Panam snapped as Judy sighed next to her.

“Alright enough, you’ll nag her when she’s all healed up. Now everyone out, I need to check on her” said Victor as he emerged from behind a curtain where V could see someone laying on the medical chair.

The three of them left and V let out a sigh of relief.

“Thanks Vik—“

“Don’t thank me kid. I’m on their team. You’re a reckless gonk, kid”

“I’m sorry okay? I just... I didn’t think okay?” V admitted, looking away.

Victor sighed “Well. Thankfully your ‘guardian angel’ got you here”

V laughed a bit, asking “Threw your patient off of the table?”

“He did. Although this time I could see him”

She laughed again and flinched at the pain in her stomach. Still she asked.

“So he brought me here and left? Kinda typical of him, these days”

Victor stayed silent as he checked her wound, but when he was done, he let out a sigh and said.

“After he brought you here, he wouldn’t leave the room”

V’s heart skipped w beat as she asked “Then, why did he leave?”

“He didn’t. He’s still here” Victor said nodding to his side, where V could see that the patient she saw earlier was Johnny.

She sat up immediately “Johnny—?!” only to get pushed back down by Victor who shook his head.

“Don’t move, kid. The wound is still closing—“

“What’s wrong with him? What happened?” V asked, cutting Victor off.

The ripperdoc ran a hand down his face, saying “The relic, it malfunctioned. A bit like it did with you, but it’s not overriding his consciousness. It’s joining it”

“But his consciousness already came from the damn chip! What else is getting out of it?” V asked, her heart clenching in fear at the possibility of something invading Johnny’s mind.

Victor sighed once again “I don’t know, kid. All I know that something is coming out of the chip. We won’t find out until he wakes up”

“And when will that be? Is he in another coma?” V asked still terrified.

“No. I’m keeping him under until the chip is done. He was waking up and passing out from the pain. It’s better to keep him unconscious, less pain” Victor said, a shadow of pity showing on his face.

V looked to where Johnny was laying. He looked peaceful. Much like he did in his coma...

“Hey Vik?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you... bring him closer to my chair? I—“

Victor was already moving, stopping her with a nod and look of understanding.

Soon their chairs were beside each other and V immediately grasped Johnny’s hand.

“I’ll leave you for a while. Get some more sleep, kid” Victor said and patted her shoulder.

V nodded and whispered “Thank you, Vik”

He nodded and left the room.

Her gaze stayed on Johnny as she started falling asleep, their hands joined.

“Please be okay...” she whispered, as her eyes finally shut.

Next time she woke up, it was to a feeling of something running through her hair. Her eyes lazily opened and met with a pair of dark eyes.

She was immediately awake, as she reached her hand towards Johnny’s cheek.

“You’re awake” she stated looking at him, still in shock “Are you alright?”

Johnny grinned at her, and her heart skipped a beat. It was so familiar to the way he looked at her back when he was inside her head.

“Fine, sweetheart. But my head still is banging like after a good fucking after party” he said with a small smirk, before asking “And you? You’re the one who got shot. Very stupidly may I add”

V was so confused by his behaviour, but still answered “I’m okay... thanks for saving me. But the chip. Is it okay?”

Johnny shook his head and sat up, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket “It’s fine. But I thought that it was trying to blast my brain from inside. Much like it was with you, whenever the fucking thing malfunctioned”

V nodded “Yeah... that fucking sucked ass...”

“It did. I fucking hope that the thing gave me all of the memories back, cause I will be pissed off if it happens again”

She laughed “Yeah, I would be too. But if it stopped then, you must have all of the memories ba—“

Memories.

V suddenly jumped in her chair and grabbed Johnny by his shoulders, startling him a bit.

“Memories? Johnny are you— do you—?”

Immediately the asshole smirked “You changed your hair. I honestly liked it swiped back, but I guess I’ll life through the side parting—“

V stopped him by grabbing him by his neck and kissing him, roughly. Tears escaping her closed eyes.

Johnny kissed her back just as roughly, as if he was waiting his whole life to just to that. He threw aside his already extinguished cigarette and wrapped his arms around her body. Wanting nothing else by to feel her close to him.

Surprisingly, it was Johnny who pulled away first. He put his hands on V’s cheeks, making her shiver at the coldness of his metal hand.

“V... fuck. I’m so sorry. The way I treated you—“

“Was fucked up” V said nodding at him “I didn’t deserve that, we both know that. And when I feel better I’ll kick you in the balls, for that”

Johnny laughed “There’s my girl! Well, I definitely deserve that”

“You do, you fucking dick” V said with a smile.

“Although I hope that after that kick, I’ll get some treatment hmm? To get the pain away?” Johnny said, his hands now going down to her waist. Carefully avoiding her wound.

V snorted and leaned forward, biting his lip and then moving to whisper in his ear “We’ll see. Maybe you’ll just get a broken nose instead”

He laughed once more “Nah.. you love my face too much to damage it”

She leaned away and looked him in the eyes, saying with a smirk “Actually, I always wanted to punch you in the face. Rubb that shit-eating grin off of your face”

Johnny didn’t answer as he stared at her, when finally saying softly.

“I love you, Violette”

V blushed red at the sound of her name, but soon answered.

“And I love you” she smirked and added “Robert”

He groaned “And here I was trying to be romantic”

“Hey! You pulled out my name first! Besides. Johnny Silverhand being romantic? Sounds like a lot of bullshit”

“Because Violette is a beautiful name. It’s your name. And fuck off. That was the last time I tried to be romantic, cunt”

V laughed and said “And I think that Robert is a very cool name. I mean. The first time I saw you, I was like. Oh yes! That’s a Robert right there!”

Johnny pushed her gently, as she laughed “Fuck off, cunt”

She grinned “You love me, you don’t want me to fuck off”

“I guess, I’ll just have to survive with you” he said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

V watched him and couldn’t stop smiling. She felt so happy and warm.

“I love you, Johnny” she said once again, not wanting to ever stop saying it to him.

He smiled at her and kissed her hair “And I you, sweetheart”

Next morning V was leaving Victor’s clinic, with a promise not to do more dumb shit. She went up to Misty’s shop and let her read her tarot.

As the women were chatting, they heard a car stop outside. V immediately recognised the sound of the engine.

“I guess your ride is here” Misty said with a smile.

“I guess so. Okay I’ll call you later Misty, thank you for the tarot thingy”

“Bye, V”

V walked outside to see the Porsche standing in front of the shop, with Johnny leaning against it. He immediately straightened and walked over to her, taking the bag full of medical supplies from her.

“Hey, there sweetheart” he said and leaned down to kiss her softly.

She smiled against his lips and said as they pulled away “Hey, yourself. I thought that Kerry was coming to get me”

Johnny snorted as he lead her to the passenger seat “Told the old man to stay in his villa, was worried he would flatline along the way”

V raised her brow at him “Johnny you’re even _older_ than Kerry”

The asshole looked down at his body as if checking, saying “I don’t think so. I’m still 34, sweetheart”

“Your body is 34. And you’re 90 Johnny” V deadpanned.

He shrugged and opened the doors for her “It’s really your issue not mine. I am dating a hot young chick”

“Oh, so we’re dating now?” V asked with a smirk, while getting inside the car.

Johnny leaned on the car and kissed her, as she sat inside. She moaned softly as he bit her lip and licked it, then he pulled away and said with a wink.

“I’ll take that as a yes” before she could say anything, he closed her door.

She shook her head and flipped him off as he ran around the car to sit in the drivers seat.

He hopped inside and started the engine, putting his glasses on. Johnny pointed at her saying seriously “Respect your elders, punk”

“I think you meant to say fossil” V quipped back.

“You’ll loose the attitude when this fossil will make you see the stars, sweetheart”

“And I think that you’ll see the stars when I’ll kick you in the balls”

Johnny laughed and flipped her off, while finally taking off.

V always thought that she was a shitty driver, but after getting a ride from Johnny? She’ve changed her mind.

“Johnny! I gotta say, you almost killing me once was enough!” V yelled as the mad man beside her, almost got hit by another car, missing it only by inches as SAMURAI was blasting inside the car.

He grinned at her “Relax, sweetheart. It just makes you feel more alive”

“The pain in my stomach is enough proof of the fact that I am indeed alive, Johnny!” V stressed, her eyes darting around.

Johnny only laughed and continued on driving, towards Kerry’s villa where both of them were living.

As soon as the car stopped V was out. Her head spinning and hands shaking from the adrenaline rush.

“Don’t be so dramatic, sweetheart! I got us here safe and sound” Johnny said with a smile, the whole situation amusing him.

She raised her hand, signaling him to stop for a moment. Her heart was slamming against her chest.

“I’m never letting you drive again...” she said.

Johnny shrugged and grinned at her. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss, while taking her hand and leading her inside the villa.

As they entered Johnny’s distaste was clear as he said to her “We need to talk about getting a place. I won’t be living here for the rest of my life”

V looked up at him in slight surprise “You wanna live with me?”

He frowned and stopped waking, looking down at her “Of course, I do. Just not here, I’m kinda sad that you got rid of your apartment”

“Yeah well... I didn’t exactly have money to keep it. I wasn’t working at all after Mikoshi and then most of my money went to your treatment. About that. I’m still waiting for your arm, Vik and I ordered something similar to this one. I wanted to ask for your opinion but... you weren’t exactly interested so I just went with my instinct”

Johnny was speechless, he stared at her with a slight frown. After a moment he asked.

“Why weren’t you working? I thought that I told you to live your life, V”

V looked away and said “I didn’t work because I was looking for your body. And then when you were in coma... I just forgot that I needed to work... I just wanted to stay and be there when you wake up”

“Fuck sweetheart. I’m so sorry” he whispered and brought her into his arms.

“It’s okay. You didn’t remember and found yourself with a chick who followed you like a lost puppy...”

“No, V. It wasn’t okay. We both know that I’m a huge dick. But the way I treaded you was far from being a dick. It was a whole other level of that. I’m so sorry”

V nodded, knowing that what he said was true and she still felt hurt by the way she was treated. She needs some time before forgiving him.

“Johnny... I just need some time okay? I love you. I do. But I need to see that it won’t happen again okay?”

The rocker boy nodded and took her hands in his, squeezing gently “Take all the time in the world. I’ll be right here. I won’t be living you, this time”

She smiled and nodded, her heart feeling a bit lighter with the knowledge that he wasn’t living her.

“Okay... let’s go find Kerry hmm? I’m sure he’s waiting for us” V said and started leading, Johnny further into the house.

It was late evening as V found herself sitting on the roof, holding on to the dog tags that Johnny gave her.

The last two days were everything she wanted ever since she recovered Johnny’s body. She felt at peace now that he remembered and was himself.

Yet there was slight doubt clawing at her.

“Hey, sweetheart. Couldn’t sleep?”

V turned around to see Johnny getting on the roof and soon heading towards her.

“Yeah, you could say that” she said with a small smile, watching as he sat down next to her.

His hair was messy, his torso covered by a simple black tank top while his bottom was covered by black and red sweatpants.

The very domestic sight, made her heart clench in her chest.

“What’s bugging you? And don’t say nothing, cause I know that there’s something. We shared a brain, V. I know you” he said, staring into her violet eyes.

V sighed and brought her knees to her chest saying.

“I’m worried...”

“About Arasaka? Cause I’m not letting them touch you. Let them fucking come” he said with anger.

She smiled a bit. No matter what, Johnny would always connect every problem to Arasaka.

“No Johnny. I don’t give a fuck about Arasaka. If Hanako has any braincells left, then she knows not to fuck with me. With us”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“What do you want to do next, Johnny? Arasaka is basically destroyed. SAMURAI is disbanded. Rogue isn’t interested in you. Kerry wants to do stuff on his own. Alt is... no longer Alt. So what do you want to do next?” she asked the question that was on her mind all this time.

Johnny was for a moment silent as he stared at her with a frown.

“V... I want you” he said with such honesty that V nearly gasped in shock. Johnny was still frowning as his flesh hand was gently touching her tattooed shoulder and arm “All I want is you. Us. I don’t care about anything else. I’ll do whatever you want. We can leave with Panam. We can stay and work with Rogue or other fixers in the city. We can do another revolution with Judy in clouds. We can do whatever the hell you want. I don’t care about SAMURAI or Arasaka. I just want to be with you”

V was biting her quivering lip as she whispered “Really?”

Johnny smiled and touched her neck, bringing her closer to kiss her.

The kiss was gentle and sweet, nothing like Johnny have ever wanted a kiss to be like. But with V. It was the best thing that he ever experienced.

V pulled away and touched his bearded cheeks “I want you Johnny. There’s nothing else that matters more to me. We’ll figure out what we want together”

Johnny nodded “We’ll do that later. For now I want your lips on mine and your body in my bed”

V smiled as her cheeks were dusted with a slight blush “Johnny as much as I love the idea, my wound—“

“I meant sleeping, sweetheart. I just want you close to me. My impressive cock isn’t going anywhere” he said with a smirk.

She laughed at this and shook her head, “Of course it isn’t. Alright, let’s go to my room then. The bed is comfier there”

Hours later V woke up with her head snuggled into a warm shoulder and surrounded by the so familiar and masculine smell. She smiled and brought her head against his neck, making him laugh.

“You’re like a cat” he said as his arm was caressing her waist, just where her t-shirt rolled up.

“You love it...” she mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

His grip on her tightened and he moved his head to kiss her lavender smelling hair “I love you” he whispered as if telling a secret.

V pulled away a bit and looked into his dark eyes “I love you too”

They got closer to kiss each other, when they heard a loud meow and something jumped right on top of Johnny’s chest, purring loudly.

V stared at the cat that was now snuggling into Johnny’s tank top and giggled. She turned to Johnny saying.

“Someone was feeling left out”

Johnny rolled his eyes but started petting the cat with his cybernetic hand.

“I’ve never thought that I would be petting this ugly thing” he whispered “Or holding you, while doing it”

V laid back down in his shoulder and moved her hand to touch his, as he petted the cat.

“Well. Get used to it...” she said with a smile.

“I was just planning to” he said, also smiling.

** ————<•>———— **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! I hope that you liked V's and Johnny's interactions!!


	5. part five (the end)

** ————<•>———— **

Warmth surrounded V’s body as she slept peacefully. Her body completely surrounded by another one, arms around her waist tight yet gentle as if they were holding the most precious thing in the world.

The blissful moment was stopped by loud cries just outside of the bedroom door.

V sighed and snuggled her head in the pillow, mumbling.

“Johnny... your cat wants to come in...”

Johnny groaned and hid his face in V’s hair, while saying in a deep morning voice.

“Yesterday he was yours, when he scratched me and snuggled with you...”

“But you made me take him in”

“You searched the whole city for food to give him”

V kicked him under the covers “Just get up and let him in before he scratches the door”

“You go” Johnny said stubbornly.

“Johnny” she whined.

The man sighed “Okay but what do I get in return?”

“The love of your life, being veryyyy happy” V said, with a smile.

Johnny pinched her side, making her jump a bit “Low blow princess”

“Okay fine. I will wear that skirt you got me...”

“Hmmm... something extra to it?”

V opened her tired eyed and looked at the smirking bastard “I will let you fuck me in it. Will that cut it, for you?”

Johnny grinned and kissed her sweetly, before getting up to let the cat in.

The merc rolled her eyes and snuggled deeper in the sheets, hoping to get another hour of sleep. Nibbles jumped into the bed and squeezed his way under the cover to snuggle into V’s chest.

She opened her eyes and smiled at the little thing.

“Hey, there baby” she cooed as the cat purred as he fell back asleep.

Johnny snorted as he got back in the bed and wrapped his arms around her once again.

“Now it’s ‘hey there baby’ and few moments ago he suddenly was my cat”

V smiled and turned a bit to kiss him on his cheek “Did I mention that I love your grumpy ass?”

“Yeah, you did. Especially in my leather pants” Johnny said with a smirk.

V shook her head and put her head back on the pillow, enjoying the warmth that Johnny provided along with Nibbles.

Two hours later V woke up in the bed alone. Both her man and her cat gone.

She stretched and made her way sleepily to the kitchen, already smiling at Johnny’s voice.

“Off of the counter buddy or she’ll nag both of us”

V silently came around the corner where she saw Johnny making coffee. His long hair pulled in a messy bun, wearing his black pyjama pants and red t-shirt.

Slowly she made her way to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, tucking her head under his arm to look up at him, saying.

“Busted”

He laughed and pointed at the cat “He doesn’t listen, not my fault”

V looked at the cat who simply meowed at her and walked closer to paw at her. She turned a bit to look at his food bowl.

“Johnny?”

“Hmm?”

“Why does our cat have a bowl full of cereal?”

Johnny looked at the food bowl in question simply shrugging “We’re out of cat food. Figured that he wouldn’t mind”

V looked up at the love of her life and bursted out laughing.

“What?” he asked in confusion “Food is food, V”

She kissed his cheek with a shake of her head “Oh you’re lucky that I love you, you gonk”

With that she pulled away and picked up their cat, putting him on the ground. Then she made her way to their fridge to make breakfast.

“After you drink your coffee you need to go out and buy him food. Our cat can’t survive on cereal, especially since we’re going out tonight”

Johnny grumbled under his breath as he drank his black coffee while making a cup of latte for V.

“What was that Robert?” she asked, trying to act strictly.

He glared at her and said “Oh nothing, Violette”

“Dick”

“Cunt”

Meow.

They looked down at their cat who was staring at his owners.

Both lovers started laughing as Johnny said.

“Well said buddy”

V smiled at them, her chest full of warmth.

It was evening as V stood in front of the bar, cursing under her breath as she tried to pull her red leather skirt a bit down.

Whistling caught her attention and as she raised her head up she saw smirking Judy and Panam walking towards her.

“Not. A. Word—“

“Damn you look like a rockstar” Judy said with a mischievous smirk.

“Or rather a rockstar’s chick” Panam corrected with a grin.

V glared at them, her cheeks dusted with a bit of a blush. She was wearing a short red leather skirt, black and red SAMURAI t-shirt from that 2020 tour, fishnets and combat boots. Her black hair was left unchanged and a bit messy and her usually purple painted lips were now dark red.

“Fuck off”

The girls laughed and looked at each other asking.

“Johnny?”

V nodded still blushing “Johnny...”

They laughed again as V crossed her arms with a pout. It was no secret that she preferred wearing pants some turtle neck and a jacket. But Johnny, always insisted on her wearing something more ‘sexy’ from time to time.

Even when he was inside her head, he would nag her about only wearing one thing.

“Okay, if the comedian squad would like to join me. It would be fucking great”

Soon V and the girls were sitting in a large booth, drinking their drinks.

“—and Saul even agreed with me! It’s still so weird leading the family with him...”

V smiled saying “Well I’m not surprised he agreed it was a pretty good plan, Panam. Also I get the feeling, Rogue started nagging me to take over as a fixer and the owner of Afterli—“

“Holy shit, V! You never told us that!” Judy said in shock as she shared a look with Panam.

“I didn’t?” V asked out loud with a frown.

“Em no? The fuck V! That’s big!” Panam said, but as she saw V looking away she frowned asking “Aren’t you happy?”

V shuffled in her seat “I don’t know... I mean. I want to say yes and all, but Johnny and I... we still haven’t decided on what we want to do”

“You should follow your gut, V. It served you well so far” said Judy while taking a drink of her fruit and tequila drink.

“I agree. I mean that’s what I do with Saul all this time. And look I’m doing fucking great” added Panam while waving to a waitress to bring her another beer.

V smiled and nodded “Yeah. Yeah maybe you’re right”

The girls smiled at her just as V felt someone’s hand touch her hip. She turned, her hand already moving to punch whoever touched her, only for it to be stopped by a familiar metal arm.

Johnny grinned and brought her fist closer to his lips to kiss it, saying “I love the way you greet me sweetheart”

V rolled her eyes and looked behind her boyfriend where Kerry, Danny and Nancy stood. She smiled at the group saying.

“Hi!”

Johnny was quickly pushed away by the group as they all hugged and greeted the young merc, along with her friends.

“So you sure you don’t want to play with us?” Nancy asked with a grin.

“No, no, no I’m not good with the guitar or singing—“

“Bullshit. V has some talent, heard her humming few times and sing while drunk. She’s good” Judy said with a smile as V blushed.

“Huh I think that I only heard you humm once, when I was in the coma... but it’s a bit fussy” Johnny said with a frown.

Kerry grinned “Someone’s hiding their talent, honey?”

V’s face was ok fire as she crossed her arms “No. I’m good at breaking arms so if you wanna continue?”

The group quickly scattered with only Johnny left as he laughed and kissed her, slowly but deeply. As he pulled away he whispered “You’ll have to sing to me someday, sweetheart”

With that he walked away while calling over his shoulder “Love your ass in this skirt by the way!”

V rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends, ordering a drink as the girls laughed at her flustered expression.

During the night, the SAMURAI was playing in the bar. V smiled as she saw Johnny enjoying being back on the stage once again, along with his friends. He and Kerry worked everything out during the time that Johnny was back. Now SAMURAI was playing at least once a month in some bars, V was always there. Sometimes alone and sometimes with her friends.

Johnny always asked for her to find a place to sit where he could see her. He said that he felt better knowing that she was right there in the line of his sight. So tonight he definitely saw two guys come over to their booth.

“Hey there, beautiful” one of them said, leaning closer to V.

“Fuck off” she said rolling her eyes.

“Oh come on, pretty girl” the other one said.

Panam looked ready to stand up, but V signaled her to stay seated as she herself stood up to the two far taller men. One of them noticed her t-shirt and said.

“Oh you like SAMURAI? Well it’s your lucky day, beautiful. Cause we know the whole band” said the first one, with a grin.

The music was loud enough that both men didn’t hear both Judy and Panam snort, trying to stifle their laughter.

V raised her brow, deep inside kinda pitying the guys for how unluckily they chose the lie.

“Yeah! We’re even going to the after party with them! Back at Eurodyne’s apartment!” said the other guy.

She smiled wickedly and said in a dumbest tone she could manage “Oh really! Oh I looooove Kerry! He’s the best!”

The girls were almost shaking with laughter as V played her part.

“So eh.. you coming?” the guy asked as his friend smiled.

“Yeah sure, let’s go outside” V said with a smirk.

To no surprise. Once the guys grabbed V’s arms in a not so friendly manner and led her outside, into an alleyway.

“Now shut up. You’re going to with us”

V snorted “Yeah that’s a good one”

With that V pushed them away, kicking the closest guy in his knee, causing to snap back. Then she turned and punched the other and bigger guy, but he managed to duck. V picked up a pipe from the ground and hit the guy on the ground who was probably looking for his gun. As she did that, the other guy grabbed her around the waist.

“Fucking bitch! You’re coming with me!”

“Fuck off!” she screamed, hitting him on the nose with the back of her head.

The guy let go of her and she turned to pick up her pipe, when a gun shoot was heard.

V flinched as a body behind her fell on the ground with a loud thud. She looked up to see Johnny standing in the alleyway, his gun in his hand.

“Johnny—“ she started just as he shot the guy on the ground, who was unconscious right between the eyes.

Then he was walking towards her, his expression unreadable. When she was in the arm’s reach, he pulled her closer and hugged tightly.

She rubbed his back as he was trembling slightly. He would say that it was from the cold, but V knew what triggered him.

“Hey... hey I’m okay. No one’s taking me”

After a moment Johnny pulled away and touched her cheek saying “Don’t you _ever_ do something like this again”

V bit her lip and nodded “Okay, okay I’m sorry. I just knew that they wouldn’t leave us alone and didn’t want to make a fuss in the bar”

“I don’t care about that. Just watching them grab you like that and take out of the bar—“

“Shh... I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think, okay? I’m right here” V said, feeling bad that she cause Johnny to in a way, relive his trauma.

They stood there for a while just holding each other, before V pulled him back inside the bar. On their way there Johnny kicked one of the corpses.

“Fucking dogs”

V only rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. Once inside she and Johnny joined their friends at the booth.

No one seemed too worried, probably knowing that V could handle herself. Especially since Johnny went out to look for her.

Kerry smiled at them warmly and asked about what happened. V told him about the guys and he simply shook his head with a snort.

“So I’m guessing they weren’t your chooms?” V asked with a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

Kerry laughed and shook his head “Nah, maybe there’s some other Eurodyne in the town”

V laughed and looked up at Johnny who was still stiffly holding her hand, squeezing it every once in a while. As if he was making sure that she was right there with him. She pinched his side, bringing his eyes to hers as she said.

“Relax, I’m fine. We’re fine”

He nodded and kissed her hair, whispering “I love you”

“And I you” V whispered with a smile.

The rest of the night the band and V’s friends spent drinking at the bar. The odd bunch of people were all surprisingly getting along.

Nancy was really interested in Panam and her clan, already asking the nomad if she could maybe do an article on them. Danny and Judy seemed to only talk about the braindances and new technologies on the market. While Kerry, Johnny and V were talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

But the topic mostly surrounded Johnny and how he was when Kerry first met him.

“—and there was Johnny. Jumping out of the window of some new chick and running to my car, screaming for me to drive”

V snorted and Johnny shrugged his shoulders, his hand still holding his girlfriend’s hand.

“She never told me that she had a husband”

Kerry snorted “And you didn’t ask. You’re lucky the guy didn’t shoot your balls off”

V laughed and looked up at the man beside her.

“You really were impossible”

Johnny looked down at her and smirked “Sweetheart you had me inside your brain. It shouldn’t be a revelation for you”

“True” V said with a grin.

“Okay chooms, it’s time to start the party” said Johnny as he waved the waitress over, ordering a shit ton of alcohol.

It was around four in the morning, as the women all went to have a smoke in front of the bar, leaving Johnny and Kerry all alone.

“You’re not drunk” said Kerry, as he took a sip of his drink.

Johnny shrugged “I’m tipsy and someone needs to take us to our apartment. Seeing how V was barely walking, means that it’ll be me”

Kerry smiled at his friend saying “You changed, Johnny. And not because someone made you. You changed on your own. Never thought that I would live long enough to see it”

Johnny looked down at his own drink, saying “I honestly felt tempted to drink some more tonight. I didn’t want to remember how I got home and wake up with my head about to explode...”

“But?” Kerry asked, already knowing what his friend will say.

“But then I remembered V. And the thought of going home with her, drunk off of my ass in this fucked up city. Stopped being appealing” Johnny said, as his fists clenched “You know that when Alt was taken... I was both drunk and high. I couldn’t protect her and she paid the price for my stupidity. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, if V suffered because I choose ‘fun’ over her”

Kerry put down his drink and reached across the table to put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder “Johnny. What happened to Alt, will never happen to V okay? She’s the best mercenary in this city, has every fixer here backing her up and Johnny fucking Silverhand is by her side at all times. So she’s safer than most people are”

Johnny smiled and nodded, but the weight didn’t exactly leave his shoulders. Before he could thank Kerry, Judy came up to them.

“V’s calling you”

Immediately Johnny was on his feet, grabbing her and his jackets and leaving the bar. There he saw Panam, Danny and Nancy crouching next to sobbing V.

He kneeled in front to her asking “V? Hey, what’s going on sweetheart?”

V’s head snapped up right away as she jumped and wrapped her arms around his neck, saying.

“Johnny!! I thought that you left...”

Her words confused him as he said “V, I was inside with Kerry. You went out to smoke remember?”

She shook her head mumbling “I only smoke so that you would come out and talk to me...”

Johnny was a silent for a few seconds, before smiling at her “You could just ask, I would come along”

V mumbled something drunkenly and gripped his jacket harder, not letting go as tears were still streaming down her flushed cheeks.

Johnny sighed and looked up at Nancy who seemed to be the most sober “Call us a cab, will ya? I’ll take her home, she needs to sleep it off”

“Yeah I thought so.. I already called. It should be here any minute”

“Thanks”

The women nodded and headed back inside the bar with a short goodbye.

Johnny picked up V as she started calming down a bit, exhaustion taking a toll on her.

The ride home was mostly peaceful as V fell asleep on his chest in the cab. He then carried her up to their new apartment and put her in their bed.

After dressing her into her favourite pyjamas, wiping off her makeup and checking all the windows and doors, Johnny laid down with her.

The move of the mattress woke her up a bit, as she mumbled “Johnny?”

He hugged her closely and kissed her head, whispering “I’m right here, go back to sleep”

She snuggled into him and once again fell asleep, with his following soon after.

Next morning was tough for V as she groaned and pulled her pillow over her head.

“Rough morning, sweetheart?” Johnny asked with a smirk from where he was leaning against the door frame.

V raised the pillow a big and glared at him “Don’t you know it, bastard”

He laughed and went to sit by her side, rubbing her back slightly “If you’re gonna puke. I would rather you do it in the bathroom and not in our bed”

She flipped him off saying “You can bite my ass!”

And to no one’s surprise.

He did just that.

V jumped and threw her pillow at him “The fuck Johnny?!”

Johnny laughed and watched as she was rubbing her ass cheek.

“I did what you suggested, sweetheart”

She glared “Dick”

“Cunt” he said still smirking.

They stared at each other for a while, before Johnny finally stood up saying “I’ll go make you some breakfast, you have painkillers on the nightstand”

“Thanks” she mumbled already moving to get some.

By late noon V was feeling a bit better and finally got out of the bed. She was cleaning the kitchen a bit, when Johnny came in the kitchen handing her, her jacket.

“Get ready, we’re going out”

V took the jacket asking “Where?”

“You’ll see. I want to talk to you about something. So move your ass, so we can delta out of here” he said while going to sit in the living area.

Feeling confused as hell, V made her way to their bedroom and got dressed. She was just pulling her hair into a messy bun, as she walked out.

“Ready?” Johnny asked, getting up from their red leather couch.

“Yeah but—“

“No questions. Now let’s go” he said, taking her hand and walking out of the apartment.

Around 20 minutes later they pulled up at the familiar hotel. V got out and looked at Johnny in confusion.

“Pistis Sophia” she stated.

Johnny nodded and reached out to take her hand, leading them to the familiar balcony near the also familiar room.

Once there, he let go of her hand and leaned against the railing. Looking at the sun reflecting in the water.

“You know... I think that’s the place where I realised that I love you” he said, still admiring the view.

V smiled and also leaned on the railing, their arms touching “Mine was at your supposed grave, when you asked for a second chance... you smiled at me a bit awkwardly as if half thinking that I would tell you to piss off”

Johnny smiled, reaching over to take V’s hand in his metal one.

“So I fell first huh? That’s new”

V laughed saying “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not exactly sure when I started loving you, I just know when I realised that I had these feelings”

They stayed silent for a little while, just looking at the sea as they hands stayed joined.

“Rogue offered to pass down the Afterlife to me. Along with being a fixer” V suddenly said, not wanting to hold it inside any longer.

Johnny looked at her with a small smile “I know”

V furrowed her brows asking “You know?”

“Yeah. She actually asked for my opinion on this”

“And what did you say?”

“That there’s no one else who could do it as good as you. Also told her to get out of her ass and ask you herself” Johnny said with a grin.

V laughed a bit, before asking “Do you really think that I should do it?”

“The question is, sweetheart. Do you want to do it?”

She looked down saying “I don’t know... we still didn’t exactly figure out what we want to do next and—“

“V” said Johnny as he touched her chin, making her look in the eyes “I want you to do what you want to do. Don’t look at me, just follow your heart”

V smiled and took his hand “I love you, Johnny. And I want to take Rogue’s offer, but I want you to be happy as well”

“I lived my life V. I did what I wanted, acted how I wanted and worked where I wanted. Now it’s time for you to do the same”

“But what do you want?” she asked, feeling unsure of the whole thing.

Johnny smiled and kissed her hair “I just want you. Our small apartment. Our ugly cat and to just wake up with you in my arms”

V smiled asking “So what? The great Johnny Silverhand going to retirement?”

He shrugged “Why not. I could do some merc work every now and then, if we’ll be tight on the money. Help you out at Afterlife and still play once a month with Kerry and the girls. But yeah, retirement sounds nice”

“Are you sure though? I don’t want you holding back because of me, Johnny”

“I’m sure, sweetheart. I just want to be with you” Johnny said, kissing V gently and slowly as the sun shined on them.

When they pulled away Johnny grinned at her saying “And to prove that, I want to ask you something”

V watched as he pulled away and pulled out something from his pocket. Then he opened his palm to show her two silver rings. She gasped and looked into his dark eyes.

“I know that, I didn’t propose to you first but who really gives a shit about sentimental crap like that. So, Violette Bakker. Would you like to marry me, right here in this dirty hotel?” he asked with a smirk, but his eyes were shining with warmth and love.

V teared up a bit, but still grinned saying “Well, Robert John Linden. I would love to marry you, even on the junkyard where they dumbed me”

He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her passionately, few tears escaping from V’s eyes.

When they pulled away, V took the bigger ring and tried to slit it on Johnny’s left hand. But the metal fingers weren’t exactly made for wearing rings.

“Oh... didn’t really think about that” Johnny said, frowning slightly.

V pulled the ring away and instead reached for Johnny’s dog tags. She pulled them off of his neck.

“What are you—?” Johnny started, but cut himself off as he watched V getting his ring on the chain, where it joined the tags.

She smiled at him and put them back on his neck, before doing the same thing to her own dog tags and ring.

“Now we can wear them the same way” she said with a sweet smile.

Johnny touched the ring that was hanging around his neck and smiled too, saying.

“I love you”

V also touched her own ring, saying “I love you too”

The pair stood there looking at each other, in the place that really started what they had now. Some might say that it was just an old dirty hotel. A place that didn’t hold any meaning.

But to Johnny and V?

That place meant everything to the start of their story and to the very end of it.

** ————<•>———— **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end.
> 
> thank you for reading and commenting!

**Author's Note:**

> <>


End file.
